Loneliness

One-shot Imagine Thranduil from the Easter requests.

Based on: reader loves thranduil but they don’t feel like she deserves him because she is sad al the time and because she is beneath him. Then thranduil tells her that underneath his powerful and cold manner he is sad too and that maybe they can fix each other.

From: Middle_earth_feels from InstagramIt is actually my first one-shot little story I`ve ever written and so the first story I`ve ever finished. LOL

I hope you won`t mind the view of narration and that I named the character (thanks Lovelordly)

Also this song helped me with writing: Myrkur – Norn

So here we go


The Elvenking Halls were upside down. The feast of the Starlight will take place in three days and the Elvenking invited the most honorable guests. In these hard times when the Woodland Realm lost a lot of loyal warriors in the last war, it was something joyful everyone could attend and forget about their own problems and grieves for once.

But not Nireariel.

In this very last battle she lost her very last parent. Her father worked for the Elvenking as a Captain of the Guards and he fought side by side their great King. The battle was almost done when an orc’s sword found its target.

Nireariel was alone now. And she knew that it is just matter of time when she will be forced to move from the Halls because there was no father who would be accommodated together with his family because of his service to the King.

Nireariel turned her head to watch elleths sitting around the other side of the fountain and gossiping. The upcoming event was a very missed excitement for them.

“I have just finished my dress. You wouldn’t believe how beautiful it is!”

“I bet mine will be even more beautiful!” Giggled another one in a response, “so beautiful that it will even catch the King’s eye!”

All the girls started laughing and continued in a fight whose dress are going to be better.

Nireariel turned back and her eyes drifted to the horizon looking at anything particular. It was a voice of one of the elleths who broke her thoughts.

“What about you, Nireariel? What dress did you sewed?”

Before Nireariel could even react, another elleth answered instead of her:

“She won’t attend the feast, will you, Nireariel? The King called it as an opportunity for the joy to come back to our lands. Nobody wants to look at her constantly sad face. Nobody wants to be sad that night. Am I right, Nireariel?”

Nireariel opened and closed her mouth like a fish gasping for an air. The mean elleth just laughed loudly and followed by her friends, she left the garden with the fountain.

Nireariel lowered her eyes. She fought back the tears, now threatening to escape from her sad eyes. Yes, she was sad and yes, she was still grieving but none of these elleths could know how she really felt.

With her Ada in the Halls of Mandos she was left completely alone. More alone than she was ever before. She had nobody to talk with or to share her desperation. The woodlands elleths never really accepted her. Nireariel was just a common elf whose father was skilled and smart enough that the King noticed him and promoted him. Her family had no titles, no noble blood. And she, herself, was too shy to befriend anyone. She tried hard in the past but after several years of trying to fit to the court, she gave up. And for a brief time she felt happy.

Until her Ada left her alone…

Nireariel sighed. She knew that she is grieving too long perhaps. It was a year already. And she even made a dress for the feast of Starlight, ready to smile for the first time after a year.

But now?

She lost all her strength and appetite to go there. The elleth was right. Nobody wanted to look at her sad face. Everyone knew how hard she was accepting her father’s death and everyone would look at her with a pity. She would ruin their evening.

Maybe they all are right. She shouldn’t go.


All the elves were outside. All the elves were feasting and dancing. The merry music play its tune and the Stars were shining brightly.

Nireariel held the skirt of her midnight blue dress in her fists until her knuckles were completely white. Her eyes were slipping through the huge crowd, through the various colors of the dresses and through all the smiles. Hesitation was visible in her face. After a short while, the hesitation changed into a fear.

No, she is not able to smile like that. She is not able to pretend.

Nireariel’s eyes found the Elvenking sitting at the head of the long table. He looked magnificent in his silver and bloody red robes. As always.

At least she saw him. At least, she could feel a different stab of the pain in her heart for a while – a platonic love.

She remembered the very first time she saw him. Her father was promoted and he was allowed to move into the Elvenking’s Halls with his family. The day they moved in, her father led her to the Throne room to tribute the Elvenking. He was sitting on his stone-wood carved throne, his flawless face was emotionless. He was intimidating, scary even, with his pointy crown and long luxurious robes softly reflecting the light. She and her father bowed deeply and she heard the sound of rustling fabric on the floor. She dared to look up just to meet deep blue eyes which weren’t intimidating at all. They were kind.

Since then she was never able to get rid of thoughts about him. And even though she heard him yell and she saw him be angry and really scary many times, she dwelled in her memory of kind blue eyes which welcomed her in his kingdom.

Nireariel sighed. She didn’t want to ruin his evening either. With a lowered head she turned on her heels leaving the feast behind her back.


Thranduil was playing with the half-empty goblet of wine in his ringed fingers. The feast of Starlight was in its best. His elves were dancing, laughing and enjoying their time just as he wished for them. He feared that it will be too soon for the mourning families but as his advisors pointed out his subjects needed a distraction from their everyday life.

He emptied the goblet and covered it with his palm to let the squire know he didn`t want another wine.

He didn’t feel merry, he didn’t feel to be among others as well. He wished to return to his chambers and be alone. He wished for his people to feast and be merry but he couldn’t do it himself. He felt every and each loss. He still saw the deaths he witnessed. Like his favorite Captain of the Guards who bled to death in his arms. He sighed and look at his advisor.

“Where is Galdor’s daughter?”

The advisor shrugged and shook his head.

“I am sure she was invited but I didn’t see her yet, your Highness.”

Thranduil turned his gaze back to dancing elves with a sigh.


Nireariel`s heart was racing. She rushed through the corridors towards the King’s study. She felt an anxiety and a fear raising within her. The King has called for her but the guard didn’t tell her why. Instead, he gestured her to go immediately.

Is he angry?

Is he going to tell her that she will have to move away?

Nireariel was so scared and so busy with her thoughts that she realized she was standing in the middle of the King’s study just when the guard closed the door behind her. She placed her hand on her chest to steady the racing heart and looked around.

It was for the first time she was in this room. In front of her was a desk with a comfortable chair. The table was perfectly organized just like the books in the library which covered the whole wall on the right. On the left was an open door leading to a huge terrace with an amazing view of the Lonely Mountain and the forest.

The King was nowhere to see.

Nireariel lost the fight with her curiosity and she went outside to the terrace. The fresh breeze caressed her cheeks and played with her long hair. She walked towards the edge and placed her hands on the handrail. Her eyes drunk the view in front of her like, so life important, water.

When she heard the soft sound of fabric, it was already too late. The King was standing next to her. Her calmed heart now started racing again. She was never so close to him.

“I am sorry I let you wait. The meeting was longer than I thought.” He said with a calm voice.

 Like he had a reason to apologize at all.

Nireariel was too shocked and stunned that she wasn’t able to say anything. The breeze swirled around them slightly, messing his crownless hair and bringing the agonizingly attractive scent of him. Her head spun.

“Are you alright, Nireariel?” He frowned and looked at her.

Oh these blue eyes…

Suddenly she remembered the manners and she wanted to bow but he stopped her.

“No need for this right now.”

“N-no need for apologizing, my King.” She whispered, still too out of mind than to speak normally.

She wasn’t sure now if the end of his lips actually curled up in a barely noticeable smile or she just imagined it. His enchanting eyes turned to the horizon and the silence between them was disturbed just by the sound of the breeze and the birds. She dared to watch him with the corner of her eyes. How the breeze was playing with the ends of his hair, how tall he was, how handsome…

“I didn’t see you on the feast last night.” He stated calmly not even looking at her.

“I didn’t want to…”

“Come?”

“No…To ruin the evening to everyone with my…never-ending sadness, I guess.”

Thranduil didn’t say anything again. Nireariel shifted from one foot to another and caught the handrail for a support.

“Will I have to move out from your Halls after my father…” Her voice trailed off. She wasn’t able to say it still. It was too hard and she didn’t wish to cry in front of the King whom she secretly admired and loved.

Thranduil turned his face fully at her.

“Only if you wish.”

“I have nowhere to go…”

“Then here is your home and here you will stay.”

“Thank you, my King, you are too kind.” She lowered her face and avoided his gaze as a blush crept into her cheeks.

“Am I?”

Her confused eyes darted back at him.

“I-I think so, my King.”

“Nobody thinks it anymore…I am too cold and too emotionless they used say…” The Elvenking said bitterly but then he continued with eyes locked with the horizon. “Once I set my emotions free, I fell hard. I was falling with no one there to catch me. So I crashed into the ground broken and alone. Loneliness became my worst enemy but in the end she is usually my only real friend…Loneliness is dangerous. It’s addictive. Once you see how peaceful it is, you won`t want to deal with people. But this is wrong Nireariel. Do not be like me. Do not let her win.”

Nireariel lowered her eyes as tears already ran down her cheeks. The emotions and a real sadness in his voice hurt her.

And she also felt a compassion and… relief that somebody might understand.

“It is too late.” She whispered. She felt his eyes on her, searching for the real meaning but she didn’t dare to look at him or raise her head to reveal her tears.

“I don’t believe you. You are still so young, still so strong. I can feel it.”

Nireariel just shook her head, lowering it even deeper. She was grateful for her long hair which covered her face. She never felt so broken like right now. Like she was holding the real sadness and the real pain until now. And she felt that her, always so composed and so calm, King was now full of emotions as well. His deep voice was slightly shaking.

Suddenly she felt his hand to cover hers on the handrail. The warmth and softness of his palm was a nice feeling she just needed but still – he was her King and she was just a low elf without a title. He wasn’t supposed to talk to her like this nor to touch her. She looked up at him with a surprise in her face but she couldn’t convince herself to move her hand away.

She wanted him to hold her like this.

Thranduil was looking into her eyes.

“Whenever you feel unloved, unwanted or insecure – come to me. You are not alone, Nireariel.”

The heaviness of his hand on hers and the kindness in his eyes made her smile despite the tears. She smiled for the first time after a year.

“You are not alone either.”

She entangled her fingers with his and squeezed it, just to finally see – for the first time in her life – his beautiful smile.

 


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